My name is Radium
Hello.
My name is Radium.
No, it's obviously not my real name, it's a "screen name" or alias, if you'd prefer.
This blog is going to be anonymous so I'll assign everyone (excluding parents- I'll just call them Mum and Dad, like I'd do anyway) an element of the Periodic Table.
Rather than giving you an awkward introduction/my entire life story, I've decided that I'll get straight into it...
So right now, I'm laying on my bed. The room's almost entirely dark other than the pale blue light coming in through my window and the white light from my computer screen. I had a weird day- in Britan, it's red nose day. Do they do it in other countries? I don't know. Most schools come dressed in non-uniform and there's cake sales and stuff to raise money for charities. Red Nose Day is one of two days that we don't have to wear school uniform. Everyone goes crazy over this and overthinks what they're going to wear, me included, to be honest. In the end, I stopped stressing and just wore what I wanted to which was my large, black, shapeless piece of fabric with a white collar (dress, if you want me to put it in technical terms). This dress is probably my favourite item of clothing: it's comfortable, I can move in it, it's a good length and hides most of my legs and looks decent.
I slapped on some black eyeliner although I'm pretty sure it faded by the time I got to school.
I got to school, still feeling pretty confident until I saw what everyone else was wearing: crop tops and hoodies with letters aggressively shouting "ADIDAS" or "IVY PARK". My confidence started to ebb away but I felt slightly better when I saw Uranium who was wearing black skinny jeans, a black jumper and a choker. We talked for a bit, hung round near her tutor room and then walked around. We met with Plutonium, who told me she liked my boots.
I had English period one. It was fine. We're doing war poetry which is meant to be really graphic and shocking but I've (most of my class) been desensitised to that stuff.
English is my favourite subject, unsurprisingly, as mum's an English teacher but I feel like I'd love it even if she weren't. I prefer writing my own things over doing PEE paragraphs (Point, Evidence, Explanation) but I like both. I love to read, whether it's fan fiction or novel or short story or poetry or articles. I find it so interesting how humans can be transported to a whole different world just by looking at some squiggles on paper or screen. It's the same with music too, in reality I'm probably on the bus home with my head against the window as grey rain falls against the cold glass but when I close my eyes I'm... anywhere but there.
English was okay other than Mercury and Lead being di--- idiots. What did I expect? I just laughed it off as their insults were actually pretty funny. "You look like you went to a gay bar and stepped in something that coagulated onto your feet," is my favourite.
So, yeah, I wasn't deeply offended, just mildly pissed. Not because of what they said but because we used to be friends, me and Lead. I don't know what happened. He became an arsehole when he started hanging out with Mercury. Never mind, that wasn't the worst thing that happened today.
Went to history after that. Pretty boring.
At break, I met with Lithium, Iodine and Barium. We went to a cake sale. The corridors were packed. Bought a malteaser cupcake. I didn't take a photo but it looked a like a squashed version of this:
It was nice but I didn't get much of a chance to appreciate it as I just stuffed it in my mouth while we fought our way through the congested corridor.
The rest of the day was uneventful up until period five. We had lunch (and by lunch I mean went to virtually every event with Uranium and Plutonium and felt sick after consuming so much sugar. Know your limits!)
So, period five rolled around (god, my heart's beating so fast even re-living what happened).
We had a physics test.
Usually, I wouldn't be worried about a physics test because I understand maths and science. They make sense... mostly... So, in this incident, I still had no idea how pivots and turning forces worked...
I promised myself I'd google it but so much had been going to that it completely slipped my mind.
For the first thirty minutes we were allowed to revise which was good except when the thirty minutes was up I still had no clue what they were. No. Fucking. Clue.
The test papers were handed out. I was slightly nervous- nothing too serious. The first few questions were about pressure which I'm fine with. It got progressively harder. Once I reached section five, I was lost.
That's when something strange happened. I started hyperventilating, my heart beating faster... Faster. Faster. Faster. It got so fast and so loud that I could hear it out loud. Thud, thud, thud. I started getting hot but not all over me- just areas, specifically my shoulders. And that's when the shaking started. It began in my hands then spread to my shoulders. It felt so strange- the shaking movements were stronger than me- no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop. It felt awful, like I was... possessed or something.
My thoughts were the last thing to go off the rails. I couldn't stop them. It felt like my own mind was attacking me- no matter how hard I tried to make my thoughts mine again they wouldn't obey me. It felt like I was split in half, no, hundredths. 99/100ths of me didn't belong to me anymore.
The 1/100th was strong. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done but I didn't let myself snap. I tried to control the shaking, resisted the urge to scream or vomit and I even managed to get the room to stop spinning.
Sir announced that we had three minutes left and I don't think I've written something so fast in my life. All the blank answer boxes became filled with numbers- I don't know if they were the right numbers but it was better than nothing. We were allowed five minutes extra after the lesson which I used all of. When the five minutes were up, he came over to me and asked if I was okay. I wasn't, obviously, but all I said was "I didn't get the bit on turning forces."
I'm not expecting to do well.
But it's not failing the test that scares me. What scares me is that strange new feeling that I had when I completely lost control. For about five minutes my thoughts didn't make sense anymore and my body wouldn't obey the 1/100th of me that was still me.
Sorry, I know this is a bit climactic for a first post- I started the blog yesterday but that was just setting up the site and customizing it etc. I have no idea if people are going to read this but, if you have, thank you for enduring it. I hope to write more on here.
-Radium
(Also, the name "JustAnotherRadiumGirl", as weird as it is, took me ages to think of so appreciate it. At least it's a few degrees better than my first username ever: JazzyMicroPigs1512xoxo. Yeah, it's a very bad idea to give a nine year old internet access!)
My name is Radium.
No, it's obviously not my real name, it's a "screen name" or alias, if you'd prefer.
This blog is going to be anonymous so I'll assign everyone (excluding parents- I'll just call them Mum and Dad, like I'd do anyway) an element of the Periodic Table.
Rather than giving you an awkward introduction/my entire life story, I've decided that I'll get straight into it...
So right now, I'm laying on my bed. The room's almost entirely dark other than the pale blue light coming in through my window and the white light from my computer screen. I had a weird day- in Britan, it's red nose day. Do they do it in other countries? I don't know. Most schools come dressed in non-uniform and there's cake sales and stuff to raise money for charities. Red Nose Day is one of two days that we don't have to wear school uniform. Everyone goes crazy over this and overthinks what they're going to wear, me included, to be honest. In the end, I stopped stressing and just wore what I wanted to which was my large, black, shapeless piece of fabric with a white collar (dress, if you want me to put it in technical terms). This dress is probably my favourite item of clothing: it's comfortable, I can move in it, it's a good length and hides most of my legs and looks decent.
I slapped on some black eyeliner although I'm pretty sure it faded by the time I got to school.
I got to school, still feeling pretty confident until I saw what everyone else was wearing: crop tops and hoodies with letters aggressively shouting "ADIDAS" or "IVY PARK". My confidence started to ebb away but I felt slightly better when I saw Uranium who was wearing black skinny jeans, a black jumper and a choker. We talked for a bit, hung round near her tutor room and then walked around. We met with Plutonium, who told me she liked my boots.
I had English period one. It was fine. We're doing war poetry which is meant to be really graphic and shocking but I've (most of my class) been desensitised to that stuff.
English is my favourite subject, unsurprisingly, as mum's an English teacher but I feel like I'd love it even if she weren't. I prefer writing my own things over doing PEE paragraphs (Point, Evidence, Explanation) but I like both. I love to read, whether it's fan fiction or novel or short story or poetry or articles. I find it so interesting how humans can be transported to a whole different world just by looking at some squiggles on paper or screen. It's the same with music too, in reality I'm probably on the bus home with my head against the window as grey rain falls against the cold glass but when I close my eyes I'm... anywhere but there.
English was okay other than Mercury and Lead being di--- idiots. What did I expect? I just laughed it off as their insults were actually pretty funny. "You look like you went to a gay bar and stepped in something that coagulated onto your feet," is my favourite.
So, yeah, I wasn't deeply offended, just mildly pissed. Not because of what they said but because we used to be friends, me and Lead. I don't know what happened. He became an arsehole when he started hanging out with Mercury. Never mind, that wasn't the worst thing that happened today.
Went to history after that. Pretty boring.
At break, I met with Lithium, Iodine and Barium. We went to a cake sale. The corridors were packed. Bought a malteaser cupcake. I didn't take a photo but it looked a like a squashed version of this:
It was nice but I didn't get much of a chance to appreciate it as I just stuffed it in my mouth while we fought our way through the congested corridor.
The rest of the day was uneventful up until period five. We had lunch (and by lunch I mean went to virtually every event with Uranium and Plutonium and felt sick after consuming so much sugar. Know your limits!)
So, period five rolled around (god, my heart's beating so fast even re-living what happened).
We had a physics test.
Usually, I wouldn't be worried about a physics test because I understand maths and science. They make sense... mostly... So, in this incident, I still had no idea how pivots and turning forces worked...
I promised myself I'd google it but so much had been going to that it completely slipped my mind.
For the first thirty minutes we were allowed to revise which was good except when the thirty minutes was up I still had no clue what they were. No. Fucking. Clue.
The test papers were handed out. I was slightly nervous- nothing too serious. The first few questions were about pressure which I'm fine with. It got progressively harder. Once I reached section five, I was lost.
That's when something strange happened. I started hyperventilating, my heart beating faster... Faster. Faster. Faster. It got so fast and so loud that I could hear it out loud. Thud, thud, thud. I started getting hot but not all over me- just areas, specifically my shoulders. And that's when the shaking started. It began in my hands then spread to my shoulders. It felt so strange- the shaking movements were stronger than me- no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop. It felt awful, like I was... possessed or something.
My thoughts were the last thing to go off the rails. I couldn't stop them. It felt like my own mind was attacking me- no matter how hard I tried to make my thoughts mine again they wouldn't obey me. It felt like I was split in half, no, hundredths. 99/100ths of me didn't belong to me anymore.
The 1/100th was strong. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done but I didn't let myself snap. I tried to control the shaking, resisted the urge to scream or vomit and I even managed to get the room to stop spinning.
Sir announced that we had three minutes left and I don't think I've written something so fast in my life. All the blank answer boxes became filled with numbers- I don't know if they were the right numbers but it was better than nothing. We were allowed five minutes extra after the lesson which I used all of. When the five minutes were up, he came over to me and asked if I was okay. I wasn't, obviously, but all I said was "I didn't get the bit on turning forces."
I'm not expecting to do well.
But it's not failing the test that scares me. What scares me is that strange new feeling that I had when I completely lost control. For about five minutes my thoughts didn't make sense anymore and my body wouldn't obey the 1/100th of me that was still me.
Sorry, I know this is a bit climactic for a first post- I started the blog yesterday but that was just setting up the site and customizing it etc. I have no idea if people are going to read this but, if you have, thank you for enduring it. I hope to write more on here.
-Radium
(Also, the name "JustAnotherRadiumGirl", as weird as it is, took me ages to think of so appreciate it. At least it's a few degrees better than my first username ever: JazzyMicroPigs1512xoxo. Yeah, it's a very bad idea to give a nine year old internet access!)
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