Why do I assume anyone cares?

I've been suffering writers block. Not with fiction; I've been writing a lot of that, recently. Before you ask, it isn't Jacob Sartorius fan fiction. I guess a more appropriate expression for what I'm experiencing would be "blogger's block" but the alliteration makes me cringe.

Not long ago, I went back and read some of my old posts. A lot of them were just me describing mundane things that I do and attempting to make them sound interesting. I guess I was kind of good at it as, sometimes, over thirty people (it doesn't sound like a lot, I know) could stomach it. 

I don't know how to do that anymore and I don't know why I don't know how to do that anymore. Maybe it's stress related? Maybe I've grown up a bit. I keep getting ideas for things to write about but they are fleeting; as soon as they are created, I think "why the fuck would someone want to read that?" 

I miss writing regularly and not being self-aware enough to realise how utterly uninteresting my life sounds. I will try doing what I used to do. 

***

So, today, I went to my theatre group. I read my Ophelia monologue and Niobium told me to focus on my breathing and use my diaphragm to project the sound out. I managed to cry, though. As part of the speech, not as a response to her criticism. Overall, it was good, she said. 

After that, my mother and I drove to Hogsloom (I don't know why I say "my mother and I"- we weren't both driving. She drove me, is what I meant.) to buy some clothes for me as most of my current clothes 

a) have holes in

b) are dirty

c) are too small for me. 

It rained the whole time and I was only wearing a thin shirt and another thin shirt on top of the first thin shirt. And trousers, obviously. You get it, I was wearing normal clothes but was not appropriately dressed for an afternoon of going into an embarrassingly large number of shops in order to find a pair of jeans I didn't hate. 

I bought a pair of black, straight cut jeans in size 8 "short" so they actually fit me. I was so happy when I saw that the shop had tall medium and short options in each size. I also bought three t-shirts, none of which have colour on. I hardly ever wear colour- Lithium got mildly exited when I wore a yellow cardigan and green shoes with my usual black/grey/white attire. She asked me if I was reintroducing colour to my wardrobe. I said no. She ignored this and started picking up all sorts of things from the shop we were in- shirts in colours like hot pink and sky blue with patterns of birds on them. The fact that the birds were so geometrically spaced out annoyed me slightly. You'd never find birds like that in nature so I'm imagining the tedium that the benevolent designer of the shirt must have gone through to space the birds out so perfectly. I didn't think in that much detail at the time. Why am I even mentioning that? It happened weeks ago.  

Other than that, not much has been happening with me. 

I write and read and have been trying to force myself to cycle in the freezing cold. It's just too cold to cycle. I can't. I can't make myself do it. I cycled to the shop the other day and almost got run over. I told my mum and she said she had a funny feeling that something had happened to me while I was out. I doubt it- I think that after I told her she just imagined that she had a funny feeling while I was out. Hmm. 

Oh yeah, I've chosen my GCSE subjects: drama, triple science, media and religious studies. I know, I surprised myself too. Religious studies is actually PRE- philosophy, religion & ethics. I'm mainly in it for the philosophy & ethics but I'll try and enjoy religion.

-Radium